Problem?
Problem? 🤡
Welcome to the modern society. A carefully engineered dystopia where every problem has a very serious and totally fair solution... that somehow always screws you over. But don’t worry, fellow wagecuck, corporate livestock, and debt-ridden peasant—there are alternative solutions. You just have to embrace the troll. 😎
🚗 Auto Loan Too Expensive? Repo It.
Interest rates are sky-high, your car payment costs more than your rent, and the bank is laughing at you. Solution? Just let them take the car. Repo man wants it so bad? Fine, let him have it. Then buy a $500 beater off Craigslist and tell everyone you’re “going minimalist.” Problem? 😏
Bonus: Now that your credit score is ruined, you won’t even qualify for another loan. No more debt for you. Freedom. 🚀
🏠 Rent Too High? Just Don't Pay.
Landlord raised rent again? Can’t afford it? What are they gonna do, evict you? That takes months. Just squat. In fact, turn it into a performance art piece about the housing crisis. Call the news. Get a GoFundMe. Watch society cope. Problem? Ai Xsue 😂
💼 Boss Won’t Give You a Raise? Become Unemployed.
You asked for a raise. They said no. Solution? Quit. No job = no taxes. The government can’t take 30% of zero dollars. You’ve just unlocked peak efficiency. GG, IRS.
If they say you "lack ambition," remind them that wages have stagnated since 1970 but CEO salaries skyrocketed 1,322%. Then ask if they think that's "ambitious." Watch them disconnect from reality like a Windows XP crash. 💥
🛒 Groceries Too Expensive? Fast.
Food prices through the roof? No problem. Just stop eating. Turn it into a spiritual journey. Tell people you’re doing intermittent fasting, become a monk, and flex how you're “detoxing.”
If someone calls you out, just say you’re on a "raw air and sunlight diet." Problem? 🤡
🎓 Student Loans? Fake Your Death.
Got $100K in student loans? Are they predatory and designed to trap you in debt forever? Yes. Solution? Die on paper. Change your identity, move to a new country, and respawn as Chad Thundercock with zero liabilities.
Too extreme? Fine, just wait for the next administration to pretend they’ll cancel loans again. Meanwhile, don’t pay. What’s the government gonna do, take away the degree you aren’t using? 🤷♂️
💸 Can’t Afford Kids? Tell Boomers to Have Them.
Society is crying about “declining birth rates” but won’t pay livable wages? No problem, just don’t have kids. If your parents complain, tell them to make more babies themselves.
“Oh but we’re too old 😢”
Not your problem, Susan. You had one job: Make sure society was sustainable. You failed. Enjoy your retirement home. Problem? 😈
📉 Stock Market Crash? Invest in Lottery Tickets.
Wall Street just lost trillions in another financial crisis, but you’re the idiot for buying crypto? Okay. Instead of stocks, just put your entire portfolio into scratch-off tickets. At least the odds are honest.
And if you win? Instant rug pull on capitalism. If you lose? Just tell people it was an “NFT” investment. Problem? 🚀
🚀 Can’t Afford a House? Move to Mars.
Elon said Mars is the future. Rent is free. Just hitch a ride on a SpaceX rocket and become the first Martian landlord. Charge Earthlings 3 BTC per square foot.
No atmosphere? No problem. You weren’t gonna go outside anyway. Problem? 😏
🦠 Sick and Can’t Afford Healthcare? Be Immortal.
No health insurance? Big Pharma wants $500 for cough syrup? Simple fix: Just don’t die. Turn your illness into a brand. Sell NFTs of your X-rays. Get sponsored by Goop.
Or better yet, tell hospitals you're an influencer. Maybe they'll cure you for exposure. Problem? 💀
🎶 Favorite Artist Canceled? Listen to Elevator Music.
Another celebrity did something bad and now you can’t listen to their music? No problem. Just start vibing to stock elevator music. Make it your entire personality.
Soon, you’ll be so ironically detached from culture that nothing can disappoint you. Pure peace. Problem? 🎵😎
💳 Credit Cards? Just Max It Out and Vanish.
Why stress about paying off your credit card when you can just max it out, book a flight to a non-extradition country, and start a new life? The debt collectors can’t find what doesn’t exist.
Bonus: If you spend more than you earn, you technically win the capitalism game. Problem? Capital One. 💳🔥
🏦 Bank Fees? Just Reverse the Charges.
Bank charged you a $35 overdraft fee for being broke? No problem. File a chargeback on your own fee. Congratulations, you just invented negative banking.
Alternative: Just open 20 new accounts, cycle money between them, and generate infinite “new customer” bonuses. Problem? Chase.
💰 Can't Afford Rent? Rent Out Your Neighbor's Apartment.
Your rent is too high? No problem. Just list someone else’s place on Airbnb, collect the money, and disappear. Boom. You’re a landlord now.
If you get caught, just say it was a social experiment on wealth redistribution. Problem? Zillow.
💸 Can't Afford a Wedding? Start a GoFundMe.
Weddings are expensive, but guess what? People love throwing money at strangers online. Solution? Start a GoFundMe titled “Help Us Have the Wedding We Deserve.”
For maximum effect, add a sad backstory about “overcoming hardships”. Doesn’t matter if it’s true—capitalism rewards good marketing, not honesty. Problem? Hallmark.
📈 Stock Market Rigged? Insider Trade Your Own Life.
Jeff Bezos gets to do insider trading? Why can’t you? Just start a fake rumor about your company going bankrupt, short the stock, then announce “just kidding” and profit.
If the SEC investigates, just tell them “I identify as a hedge fund.” Problem? Wall Street.
🏥 Medical Bills? Just Identify as a Dead Person.
Hospitals billing you $50K for a band-aid? No problem. Just fake your death in their system. Dead people don’t pay bills.
Advanced technique: When they call for payment, just respond with “This is his ghost, and we have no material wealth in the afterlife.” Problem? Big Pharma.
🚘 Gas Prices Too High? Siphon Like It’s 1999.
Can’t afford $5/gallon gas? Just bring back classic American traditions: siphon from your rich neighbor’s BMW.
For legal purposes, we do not condone theft. But if oil companies can price gouge you with no consequences, what’s really the difference? Problem? Shell.
🛍️ Need Luxury Items? Just Say It’s for “Content.”
Want an expensive designer bag but broke? No problem. Just go to Gucci, tell them you're an influencer, and demand a “sponsorship product for exposure.”
If they refuse, start filming a Karen-tier meltdown, post it online, and let the court of public opinion cancel them into submission. Problem? Louis Vuitton.
🏡 Can’t Buy a House? Squat Like a GigaChad.
Housing crisis got you down? Just pick an abandoned mansion and move in. It’s called adverse possession, and after a few years, it’s legally yours.
If cops show up, tell them you're "reclaiming your ancestral land" or that you identify as a historical reenactor of 2008 Wall Street bailouts. Problem? Corporate Landlords.
📚 Student Loans? Sue Your Own College.
Got a useless degree and $100K debt? Just sue your university for false advertising. They said you'd get a "great job" after graduating—where's the contract?
If that doesn’t work, just list your degree as an NFT and sell it to a finance bro. Problem? Sallie Mae.
🛂 Too Many Taxes? Just Expat Mode.
Getting taxed into oblivion? Just renounce your citizenship, move to a tax haven, and become a sovereign individual. If billionaires can do it, so can you.
If anyone asks, just say you're a "digital nomad" or "conducting a socio-economic experiment." Problem? IRS.
💀 Dying Wish? Leave All Your Debt to a Random Person.
Worried about passing away with debt? Just name a random CEO as the beneficiary of your estate. When you die, let them deal with your $300K in student loans and 27 maxed-out credit cards.
If they refuse, just haunt them until they pay up. Problem? Mastercard.
💳 Denied Boarding? File a Chargeback Like a Chad.
So you booked a flight, got to the airport, and suddenly the airline says “Oops, we overbooked. No seat for you.”
Solution? Just file a chargeback with your bank and tell them the airline provided no service. Free flight attempt? ✔ Money back? ✔ Airline meltdown? Absolutely.
And if they offer you a $200 voucher instead? Nah, you're aiming for the full refund. Problem? GoToGate. ✈️😂
🚘 Auto Insurance? Just Dispute the Charge.
Tired of your auto insurance burning a hole in your paycheck, even though you've never used it? Just dispute the charge.
Tell your bank you never received the service. I mean, where’s the proof? Where’s the adjuster? Oh, that’s right—they never pick up the phone. If the bank reverses the transaction and the case gets ignored, congrats, free insurance.
Bonus: If they cancel your policy, just open a new one under your dog's name. Problem? Southern Clownlifornia AAA. 🚗😂
🩺 Life Insurance? Just Stay Broke.
Life insurance companies want to charge you big money, but guess what? Just have an income lower than the required threshold.
If you don’t qualify, they can’t even sign you up. If anyone asks, just say you’re “taking a minimalist approach to life expectancy.” Problem? UnitedHealthCare. 🏥😂
🏠 Homeowners Association Fees? Just Ignore Them.
HOAs trying to fine you for breathing air in your own house? No problem. Just ignore the fees until they file a lawsuit.
Then, when they try to foreclose your home over some unpaid $200 fee, file bankruptcy and watch them get nothing. If they threaten legal action, remind them that you’re willing to burn the whole neighborhood to the ground before giving them a dime.
Bonus: Start an anonymous Facebook group and organize a mass revolt against HOA leadership. Problem? Boomerville HOA. 🏡😂
💡 Electricity Bill Too High? Just Dispute the Usage.
Electric company says you used 500 kWh this month? No problem. Call them and say your meter was misread. Demand an investigation.
While they “look into it,” your bill gets delayed indefinitely. If they take too long? Oops, it’s past the billing cycle. No back charges allowed. Problem? Enron 2.0 Energy. ⚡😂
🛍️ Amazon Won’t Refund You? Just Say It Was Stolen.
Amazon won’t let you return that garbage-tier product? No problem. Just tell them it was stolen off your porch.
Since they can’t prove it, they just send a replacement or refund you. Meanwhile, you’re out here stacking free stuff like a G.
Bonus: If they ask for a police report, just file one with the most vague description ever. Problem? Jeff Bozo’s Warehouse. 📦😂
📞 Internet Provider Too Expensive? Just Keep Canceling.
ISPs charge you $80 a month for WiFi that disconnects every 10 minutes? Just call and cancel.
Why? Because they’ll panic and offer you a “special retention discount.” If not, hang up and call again until you get an agent who does. Congrats, you’re paying half-price forever.
Bonus: Switch between ISPs every few months, milking new customer promos like a true financial warlord. Problem? Comcast X-finity Scam. 🌐😂
💳 Maxed Out Your Credit Card? Just Declare Financial Hardship.
Credit card companies won’t stop bugging you to pay? Just declare financial hardship.
They’ll freeze interest, cut fees, and let you pay pennies on the dollar. Meanwhile, you’re out here rocking a new gaming PC and a trip to Mexico. Problem? SVM Cartel. 💳😂
🍔 Fast Food Order Wrong? Demand a Full Refund.
McDonald's forgot your fries? Demand a full refund. You paid for the whole meal, not “some of it.”
If they say no, just call corporate and act traumatized. Mention “emotional distress” if needed. Boom, free meal.
Bonus: If they still refuse, file a chargeback through your bank. Problem? Ronald McFraud. 🍟😂
🛏️ Hotel Room Bad? Claim It Was Dirty.
Got a hotel room that wasn’t 5-star luxury? Go to the front desk and complain. Say it was dirty, smelled bad, and had “mysterious stains.”
They either give you a free night, a room upgrade, or a full refund. If not, dispute the charge and say the room was uninhabitable. Problem? Marriott Refund Services. 🏨😂
🎰 Casino Lost Your Money? Say the Machine Was Rigged.
Lost money at the casino? Go to security and claim the slot machine malfunctioned.
Casinos hate bad press, so they might comp you something just to shut you up. Worst case? They ban you… which just stops you from losing more money. Problem? Las Vegas Ponzi Scheme. 🎲😂
🎭 Final Lesson: You Can’t Lose If You Never Play Fair
You weren’t meant to win the game. But what if you just cheat-coded capitalism instead? 🤔
Next time someone tells you to "work harder" or "be responsible," just remind them:
"Sorry, I only play on easy mode." 😎
Problem? 🏴☠️
