Debt Collections
Debt collectors aren't your friends. They're calling you because it's their job. Don't be fooled by their friendly demeanor or their promises of a fresh start. They're in it for your money, and they'll use any tactic they can to get it.
The Art of Negotiation
If you find yourself dealing with a debt collector, don't panic. Remember, you have rights. You don't have to give them everything they want. In fact, you can use their aggressive tactics to your advantage.
Verify Your Debt
The first thing you should do is verify the debt. Ask the debt collector for a written statement detailing the debt, including the original creditor, the amount owed, and the date of the debt. This will give you time to review your records and determine the validity of the claim.
The recommendation is to ask them to verify your debt by the last few calendar days before Christmas.
Play Hardball
Debt collectors are often willing to negotiate. Don't be afraid to haggle over the amount you owe. Start by offering a significantly lower amount than they're asking for. They may be willing to settle for less to avoid the hassle of taking you to court.
Record Your Conversations
It's always a good idea to record your conversations with debt collectors. This can be helpful if you need to dispute a claim or file a complaint.
Negotiate for Deletion
One of the most powerful negotiating tactics is to demand that the debt collector delete the debt from your credit report in exchange for a settlement. This can be a game-changer, as a clean credit report can open up new opportunities for financing.
Don't Give Up
Negotiating with debt collectors can be frustrating, but it's important to be persistent. Don't give up until you've reached a satisfactory agreement. Remember, you have the power to negotiate and protect your financial interests.
In conclusion, dealing with debt collectors can be a stressful experience, but by understanding your rights and using effective negotiation tactics, you can minimize the damage to your finances.
If the third-party debt collector can not produce the debt - you can ask to take them to court to verify the debt. I know my way around the fake court and can all them out on their shit so I would do that and win.
BUT - when the third-party purchased the 'debt' , they became the Holder in Due Course. As the Holder in Due Course, you only owe them what THEY paid for the debt. They paid 6cents on the dollar for your debt so technically and legal - you can pay them what they paid for the note. Which they will be pissed at b/c that means they made NOTHING.
Why Consumer Debt is Evil
It’s pure business, nobody cares about ethics.
It certainly isn't as unethical as collapsing the global economy because of lying about the rating of collateralized debt obligations which ultimately crashed and sent the market into a tailspin resulting in losses of jobs, houses, and retirement funds.
This is a god damn businesses transaction between you and the bank. There's no room for mores or ethics here. It's a numbers game pure and simple and anybody who says otherwise is a corporate boot-licking moron suckling at the teet of their 1% overlords.
The banks have algorithms they've invested millions of dollars of research into that determine these calculations to minimize loss and maximize profit. They don't give a flying fuck if you'll be homeless, they'll foreclose on your house when the algorithm tells them to and have an armed sherif forcibly evict you if they need to and they'll sleep just fine at night swaddled in the king size bed being gently rocked to sleep by the waves aboard their 40 million dollar yacht.
So you run the calculations from your end. Weigh what you can afford in cash, weigh the impacts to your score, and weigh your future needs. If their offer doesn't align with your situation then tell them to pound sand and move on with your life and fall asleep deeply and soundly in your studio apartment that you're sharing with a friend because that's all either of you can afford working 60 hours a week at $7.25/hr.
"The Art of the Phantom Bill: Capitalism's Favorite Ghost Story"
In the vast, tangled jungle of late-stage capitalism, there lurks a fearsome beast—not a fire-breathing dragon or some mythical kraken, but something far more terrifying: the phantom bill. It's the kind of monstrosity that appears out of thin air, claws at your credit score, and demands tribute for services you either never used or thought were long buried in the vaults of bureaucratic hell.
Act I: The $95 Cell Phone Saga — When Contracts Become Curses
Picture this: It’s 2001. Cell phones are still chunky, text messages cost 10 cents, and the fine print on your two-year contract is practically written in invisible ink. You do the right thing—you finish the contract, walk into the store, and cancel. You breathe the sweet air of freedom.
But capitalism wasn’t done with you yet.
Somewhere, deep in the data vaults of a faceless telecom giant, an algorithm snarls, “Not so fast.” Turns out, cancelling during a new billing cycle is like trying to leave a haunted house by walking into the basement. Suddenly, there’s a $95 bill floating toward you like an angry ghost.
You pay it—begrudgingly.
But capitalism? It’s not just greedy. It’s petty.
Another $95 bill slithers in, as if your previous payment was just a warm-up round. Cue the endless loop of collection letters, each one as hollow and meaningless as the customer service promises they once whispered. Eventually, you just toss them in the round file—a.k.a. the trash—and get on with life, knowing that somewhere, a robot is still passive-aggressively updating your “debt status.”
Act II: MoNoRi-Chan vs. The Insurance Phantom — A Modern Fable
Fast forward to the age of crypto pumps, meme stocks, and somehow still getting junk mail.
MoNoRi-Chan, ever the techno-mercenary and occasional anti-corporate crusader, finds himself in a similar pickle—but this time, it’s with auto insurance. You see, MoNoRi-Chan had the audacity to exist in a world where insurance companies think "coverage" means "charging you for literally nothing."
Months after dropping the policy, a $220 bill materializes like an NFT of a JPEG—utterly worthless, yet somehow expensive. AWA Collections starts its paper mail campaign, sending dead trees adorned with vague threats and inflated balances.
But MoNoRi-Chan? He doesn’t flinch.
Instead of feeding the bureaucratic beast, he pulls the Uno reverse card: sends a formal letter asking for proof of debt. And here’s the thing—collections agencies hate that move. It’s like asking a ghost to show up in daylight. Spoiler: they couldn’t verify anything.
Poof.
The phantom bill evaporates, and with it, its nasty little stain on his credit report. Not a single cent paid.
Act III: The System is Broken, but at Least It’s Funny Sometimes
These stories aren’t just isolated horror tales; they’re the byproduct of a system where capitalism isn’t just hungry—it’s lazy. Algorithms spew out debts, third-party collectors buy them for pennies, and the whole thing runs on the gamble that you will get scared enough to pay up.
But here’s the secret:
💡 If they can’t prove it, you don’t owe it.
Credit reports, phantom bills, late fees pulled from the abyss—this is the background static of modern life. It’s a Kafkaesque nightmare, but with worse customer service and the occasional robot voice telling you “your call is very important to us.”
So next time a shady collections agency slides into your mailbox with vague threats over a bill you didn’t even know existed, channel your inner MoNoRi-Chan. Demand receipts, question everything, and if they can’t back it up? Into the round file it goes.
Because in the end, it’s just good business.
For them.
Unless you fight back.
