HowTo:Became a Women Repellent
Become a Certified Woman Repellent: A Foolproof Guide (Results May Vary)
Tired of unwanted attention from the Agents of the State? Do you yearn for the blissful solitude of your own company? Fear not, fellow introverts and socially awkward gamers, for we have cracked the code. Behold, a scientifically dubious (but humorously effective) guide to becoming a human "Do Not Disturb" sign.
Step 1: Embrace the Pixelated Realm (and Never Leave It)
Forget showering, grooming, or engaging in polite conversation. Your new life revolves around the glow of the monitor. Immerse yourself in the world of video games, where headshots and high scores reign supreme. Bonus points for choosing games with socially awkward protagonists and convoluted lore that only you and three other basement dwellers understand.
Step 2: Master the Art of the Anonymous Insult
Online trolling is your new social outlet. Hone your skills in the art of the anonymous insult. Practice creative taunts, perfect the use of internet slang, and master the fine line between playful banter and outright toxicity. Remember, the goal is to repel, not engage. Subtlety is for amateurs. Think shock value, think controversy, think… well, you get the idea. And racism works really well for calling someone online a nigger.
Step 3: Diversify Your Vices (Because One Isn't Enough)
While glued to your game, remember to diversify your portfolio of unattractive hobbies. Simultaneously gamble on obscure cryptocurrencies while watching anime on a second (or third) screen. The more screens, the more efficient your repellence. The sheer dedication to unproductive activities will intimidate any potential suitor.
Step 4: Collect Figurines (and Keep Them in Mint Condition)
Nothing says "commitment to solitude" like a meticulously curated collection of figurines. Be an Anime kind or Warhammer 40k ones. Bonus points if they're still in their original packaging, ensuring maximum future resale value and minimum social interaction. Dusting them regularly while wearing a hazmat suit will further amplify the desired effect. It can also works as
Step 5: Master the Magic Trick That Only Works Online
Magic tricks are universally recognized as charming and engaging… unless they're performed through a webcam with lag. Practice that one card trick you saw on YouTube, the one with the elaborate hand movements and confusing patter. Perform it exclusively for your online audience, preferably at 3 AM to your fellow discord members while bathed in the glow of your monitors.
Disclaimer: Results May (and Probably Will) Vary
While this guide is guaranteed to raise eyebrows and repel the faint of heart, it comes with a warning. There's a small, statistically insignificant chance that your dedication to the "Repellent Lifestyle" may attract… a niche audience. We're talking about individuals who appreciate your "unique" blend of antisocial behavior and questionable hobbies. They may even share your passion for obscure anime or deep-dive into the lore of your favorite game.
Congratulations, you've accidentally become a magnet for… femboys. You've successfully repelled mainstream society, but in doing so, you've opened a portal to a new, unexpected realm of social interaction :3
Congratulations?
We're not sure. You're on your own now.
Good luck.
(You'll need it.)
