Condom Sense
Condom Sense: A Better Alternative to Common Sense
Common sense is supposed to be universal, but if you've ever seen someone park across two spaces, argue about politics when they can't even do basic math, or let their underage kid post cringe on YouTube, you already know that common sense isn’t so common.
That’s where Condom Sense™ comes in—a superior alternative to common sense that should’ve been exercised long before certain individuals were even conceived. If common sense is about making reasonable decisions, Condom Sense is about preventing the people who lack it from reproducing in the first place.
What is Condom Sense?
Condom Sense is the ability to know when NOT to bring another human into this world. It’s a safeguard against reckless parenting, bad decision-making, and a future filled with people who somehow manage to fail both at life and basic logic.
Think of it as natural selection, but with latex.
Signs of Low Condom Sense
People with low Condom Sense exhibit behaviors that suggest their parents should have reconsidered their life choices. Some common red flags include:
- 🚗 Can’t park inside the lines – If you can’t handle a vehicle properly, what makes you think you can handle a child?
- 🏡 Letting their kids run wild online – Underage kids arguing about politics on YouTube is a prime example. If you can’t control your child’s internet behavior, why did you have one?
- 🎤 Saying “It’s just my opinion!” when proven factually wrong – Freedom of speech doesn’t mean freedom from being an idiot.
- 🍔 Ordering a large Diet Coke with their triple cheeseburger – Ah yes, the pinnacle of self-control.
- 💳 Constantly in debt but still buying the newest iPhone – If you can’t manage your own finances, how are you going to afford raising a child?
- 🍼 “It just happened” pregnancy stories – No, it didn’t. You failed the most basic task of reproductive responsibility.
Introducing the Condom Sense Index (CSI)™
To scientifically measure levels of Condom Sense, we introduce the Condom Sense Index (CSI)™, a fictional metric that rates a person's ability to make rational decisions.
How the CSI Scale Works:
| CSI Score | Diagnosis | Reproductive Rights |
|---|---|---|
| 90-100 | High Condom Sense | Congratulations, you’re a functional human! Have kids if you want, you’ll probably do fine. |
| 70-89 | Moderate Condom Sense | You make some questionable choices, but you’re still in the safe zone. |
| 50-69 | Low Condom Sense | You need a license before reproducing. Prove you can at least take care of a houseplant first. |
| 30-49 | Danger Zone | Mandatory birth control required until further notice. |
| 0-29 | The World’s Mistake | Your reproductive rights have been revoked. Please enjoy a lifetime supply of condoms—on the house. |
| Crypto Investors | Financially Irredeemable | Automatically banned from the gene pool. Free to engage in any LGBTQIA+ acts because their money has already been spent on magic internet coins instead of a family. |
Crypto Investors: The Special Treatment Clause
While most people score somewhere on the Condom Sense Index, crypto investors bypass the entire system and are automatically excluded from the gene pool. Why? Because:
- If you put your life savings into digital money created by some guy named Satoshi, you probably shouldn’t be trusted with actual financial planning.
- Reckless investing is the fastest way to financial ruin. If you still think Dogecoin is your ticket to retirement, you’re already too far gone.
- Trading is a queer activity. Let’s face it—buying digital coins from other men and hoping they rise in value or getting your orders filled by other men is peak degeneracy. No straight man checks charts or other man's transaction history this often.
Because of these special circumstances, crypto investors are given the ultimate freedom:
- 🔹 No reproductive responsibilities (because they’re broke)
- 🔹 No obligation to contribute to society (because they’re either rich or bankrupt)
- 🔹 A free pass to embrace their true degenerate selves
Basically, if you’ve ever held Bitcoin and thought you were a financial genius, don’t worry. You’re already sterilized by default.
Real-World Application of Condom Sense
Now, let’s apply Condom Sense principles to some everyday scenarios.
1. Parking Lot Catastrophes
If you can’t park properly within the lines, your Condom Sense score drops by at least 30 points. Raising a child requires basic motor skills and awareness, and if you fail at parking, you’re not ready for parenting.
2. YouTube Kids Running Wild
If your underage child is commenting on political debates, talking trash in online games, or making cringeworthy TikToks, that’s a direct reflection of your failure as a parent. Your CSI score automatically drops by 50 points, and you must attend mandatory parenting classes before attempting to have another child.
3. Financial Irresponsibility
If you’re living paycheck to paycheck, drowning in debt, yet somehow own the latest iPhone and spend $7 on Starbucks daily, your CSI is below 40. Raising kids is expensive. Maybe master budgeting before bringing a whole new life into your mess.
4. “Surprise” Pregnancies
“Oh, we weren’t planning for a baby, it just happened!” No, it didn’t. That’s called not using protection. If you can’t be responsible enough to use birth control, you’ve automatically failed the Condom Sense test.
5. Crypto Bros Who Think They’re Financial Geniuses
Imagine explaining to your child that daddy lost their college fund trying to invest on $HAWK coin. If you think your “trading strategy” is more important than having food on the table, don’t worry—you were never meant to reproduce anyway.
A Future with Better Condom Sense
Imagine a world where people needed to pass a Condom Sense test before being allowed to reproduce. No more:
✔️ People who scream at fast-food employees because their order was wrong
✔️ Parents who let their kids run wild in public places
✔️ Entire generations raised by people who shouldn’t have been parents in the first place
By promoting Condom Sense™, we create a society where only responsible, self-aware individuals raise children. And honestly, isn’t that the world we all deserve?
So next time you see someone making incredibly stupid life choices, just remember: their parents lacked Condom Sense.
And maybe—just maybe—we can prevent history from repeating itself.
