SPKZMC:Stimulus Checks
📜 Royal Decree: Episode ???+3
"The Great Admin Stimulus: When $JR Rained From the Sky (or... Califrog’s Colon)"
"We have 10k $JR handouts before government ones." – [砂人]Abpri
🧻 Location: A Random Server in a Datacenter Far, Far Away…
In an absolutely unprecedented macroeconomic maneuver, the Art3mis Server—governed by the enigmatic Royal Decree—unleashed a server-side stimulus program that left both Keynes and Jerome Powell spinning in their graves or offices.
While the real world argues over fiscal cliffs and debt ceilings, [Server Owner]Califrog just took a dump IRL and simultaneously took a massive dump on economic orthodoxy by distributing 10,000 $JR to each of the lucky 15 active players. No forms, no politics, just pure bowel-powered generosity.
💸 The Stimulus Announcement:
[Server Owner]Califrog:
"แจกเงิน ให้ทุกคน 10000 ถือเป็นค่าขอบคุณที่เข้ามาเล่นเซิฟจังไรนี่"
("Giving everyone 10,000 $JR as thanks for joining this cursed-ass server.")
[Server Owner]Califrog:
"วันนี้ปวดขี้ เลยแจก"
("Today I needed to poop, so I gave away money.")
Jeff Bezos who? This is the trickle-down that actually trickles.
🏦 The Art3mis Stimulus Program vs. The US Stimulus Checks:
| Metric | Art3mis Server | United States |
|---|---|---|
| Time to Receive Stimulus | Instantly, in-game | 6–12 weeks (or never) |
| Requirements | Exist online | Jump through bureaucratic hoops |
| Distribution Reason | Admin had to poop | Global pandemic + economic crash |
| Amount Per Person | 10,000 $JR (~2 emeralds) | $1,200 USD |
| Impact on Economy | Inflation, memes, unexpected chaos | Housing market bubbles |
🍜 Economic Fallout & Free Lunches
With dirt-backed $JR flooding the economy, players raced to the Central Marketplace to splurge on:
- Iron swords from Chokun’s Stall
- Suspicious stew from Abdul’s Black Market Basement
- Land parcels near the Royal Highway (prices immediately tripled)
It was a "Lunch Rush" like no other, with players essentially getting a free Happy Meal from the Admin’s divine wallet.
Those who didn’t log in? Well…
[Server Owner]Califrog:
"ใครไม่เข้ามา รอบนี้อดละนะ อิอิ"
"If you didn’t log in this time, too bad. Hehe."
Natural selection by admin decree. 💀
📈 Economic Analysts Respond:
- angel_of_null: “🤑🤑🤑🤑” – the first known emoji-based economic paper submitted to Harvard.
- Abpri: "เราแอดมินแจกหมื่นก่อนรัฐบาลแจก" "Our admin gave us 10k before the real government did."
- IMF: “What is $JR and how do we short it?”
Final Thought:
In a land without taxes, without central banks, and ruled by the whims of Califrog’s gastrointestinal tract, the economy moves in mysterious and moist ways. While the U.S. debates universal basic income, Art3mis just dropped it on 15 people for being online at the right (wrong?) time.
Long live Adminonomics™. Long live the $JR.
🧻💵 May your packets be low and your wallets be full.
