Gold – The Shiny Rock You Can't Shove Up Your Butt (Easily)
IRL:Gold
The Shiny Myth: Why Gold Has Value
Gold, for centuries, has been the ultimate flex — a shiny rock that somehow commands kings, empires, and your weird uncle's investment portfolio.
But here's the catch: Gold only has value because humans said, “Hey, this looks expensive.”
There’s no secret chemical magic or industrial necessity that justifies its price. It’s beautiful, rare, and shiny — which is exactly why it’s more like Bitcoin than goldbugs would admit.
Why Gold Still Slaps (for Boomers)
- Scarcity: Limited supply… unless asteroid mining becomes a thing.
- Durability: It won’t corrode, but neither will a sealed USB drive.
- "Safe Haven": Until you're trying to flee war with a kilo bar in your sock.
So yes — it's been money for thousands of years, but so were cowry shells and salt. Don’t get too romantic.
Spot vs. Leverage: How Gold is Traded
| Feature | Spot Gold (e.g., MTS Futures) | Forex Leverage (XAU/USD) |
|---|---|---|
| Trading Base | Physical gold, or 1:1 spot | Derivatives (contract speculation) |
| Leverage | 1x or 5x max | Up to 3000x (if you’re feeling suicidal) |
| Short Positions | Not available | Yes, go bearish on bullion |
| Risk Tools | Limited | Full arsenal: SL, TP, hedging |
| Trading Hours | Market hours only | 24/5 grind |
| Portability | Not ideal in crisis | Just carry your account login |
The Money Game
Trading gold? It’s like gambling with prettier chips. You're not investing in the metal — you're betting on fear, inflation, and which flavor of doom comes next.
This turns gold into a game of sentiment and speculation, not utility. Just like Bitcoin, if nobody believes in it tomorrow, the price craters.
Gold vs. Real Crisis: Try Crossing a Border
Let’s be honest. In an actual collapse:
- You won’t be melting gold bars at the local McDonald's.
- You won’t be able to prove that your paper gold ETF actually holds anything physical.
- And no, TSA won't let you carry 1kg gold bars in your prison wallet.
Meanwhile, your crypto-loving neighbor grabs a ThinkPad, a cold wallet, and vanishes into the wind with millions in assets… because portability beats shininess every time.
| Asset Type | Portable | Useful in Crisis | TSA-Friendly | "Shove-ability" |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Gold Bar | ❌ | ❌ | ❌ | 🔥🔥🔥 |
| Cryptocurrencies | ✅ | ✅ | ✅ | N/A (Look at Do Kwon) |
| Fiat Cash | ✅ | ✅ (short-term) | ✅ | ✅ |
Real Talk: Gold is a Belief System
> "Crypto is backed by nothing!"
Cool. Neither is your gold ETF unless you’ve *literally touched the bar.*
Most gold is:
- Held by brokers,
- Paper-traded 100:1,
- Rehypothecated more than the US housing market in 2008.
And that “I like my wealth in physical form” argument? Try explaining that when you’re stuffing ounces into your shoe soles during a civil war.
Why Gold is Booming Anyway
Here’s your doom-fueled gold rally checklist (abridged from Jim Willie's list):
- Sovereign debt collapse (Hi, USA!)
- BRICS dropping the dollar
- Inflation's still real despite government gaslighting
- Central banks hoarding gold while telling you not to
- Big banks stuck with toxic bonds, swapping them for bullion
- East vs. West currency wars (thanks, CBDCs)
- Rothschild-tier conspiracy loading up on gold to dodge collapse
- Real estate influencers still mad Bitcoin is outperforming
And last but not least:
- Dark money used for buying ports, oil companies, and — what’s left? GOLD.
Gold vs. Cryptocurrency: Mirror Mirror on the Wall
| ⚠️ Disclaimer: | The information provided in this text is for educational and informational purposes only. These writings are my own opinion, provided as-is, and has no warranty expressed or implied. None of it is financial, legal, or other professional advice. The author encourages readers to use discretion and make informed decisions regarding their own practices while seeking professional advice if necessary. |
|---|
Gold and Cryptocurrencies (Especially Bitcoin) aren’t enemies — they’re siblings with trust issues.
They were both moved by the same Financial Markets that halts GameStop sales back in 2021.
| Trait | Gold | Cryptocurrency (e.g., Bitcoin) |
|---|---|---|
| Backing | 💬 Belief | 💬 Belief + math |
| Portability | ❌ Heavy AF | ✅ Laptop-friendly |
| Smuggling Risk | 😨 Proctologist-level | 🧘 Seed phrase serenity |
| Rehypothecation | ✅ Paper gold hell | ❌ Self-custody FTW |
| Immune to Seizure | ❌ Ask the 1930s | ✅ If you self-custody |
| Energy Argument | ⛏ Toxic mining | ⚡ Muh carbon (but cleaner than mining) |
Conclusion: A Rock is Still Just a Rock
Gold may sparkle, but in a modern crisis, convenience beats glimmer. It’s 2025. We can generate anime girls from a potato-powered LLM — and we’re still pretending a rock dug out of the ground is wealth?
Gold’s real value isn’t in its atoms — it’s in the belief we attach to it. And belief? That can shift faster than a forex wick on NFP day.
So whether you’re all-in on bullion or betting on Bitcoin, remember:
> “In an apocalypse, the best investment is clean water and not being found.”
