Human Intelligence
Human Intelligence: A Deep Dive Into the Absurdity of Baseline Measurements and Why Chocolate Milk Will Always Be Confusing
Let’s face it. Intelligence is a slippery, shapeshifting beast. How do you measure a person's intelligence when you have no idea what their background is, where they came from, or what planet they might’ve crash-landed from? But, sure, let’s try. Because, obviously, the most important thing in life is ranking people on some universal scale of intelligence, right?
Now, before we delve into that, let’s start with some absolutely irrefutable facts about human cognitive prowess:
1. The Average American's Unstoppable Belief That Chocolate Milk Comes From Brown Cows
If there’s one thing we know for sure about intelligence, it’s this: chocolate milk must come from brown cows. How could it not? Chocolate-flavored liquid in a bottle, and brown cows are brown. Clearly, it’s basic science. There’s no room for nuance here.
I mean, look, no one really questioned this concept until people started actually thinking about it. So, the next time you see someone staring at a carton of chocolate milk like it’s the Holy Grail of dairy, remember: this person is a proud representative of the global baseline of intelligence. We just don’t know who decided this, but it’s a certified cultural phenomenon.
But hey, if someone can mistake cows for chocolate processors, does intelligence even exist? Maybe it’s all just one big joke.
2. "Plastic Fantastic" Credit Cards: America's Saviors or Their Overpriced Toys?
Ah yes, the credit card. The plastic fantastic that grants you the illusion of money and fills your heart with a false sense of financial invincibility. The ultimate adult toy for anyone who’s ever been confused by the difference between “available credit” and “spending limit.”
We’ve all been there. In your 20s, you get handed that shiny plastic card and think, “I’ve made it! I’m finally a sophisticated adult!” Well, guess what, kiddo? That little plastic card is more of a trap than a “savior.” It’s like the financial equivalent of that one person who insists they’ve “made it” because they bought a used car with zero down payment—not realizing you’ve just swapped your future for a lifetime of APR hell.
For the record, if you can’t pay off the balance before interest rates apply, maybe just stick to the “fantastic” and leave the plastic out of the equation. It’s not so much “credit” as it is the illusion of freedom before you realize you owe money to some faceless mega-corporation. But hey, you can always pay it off by winning the lottery…right?
3. Intelligence and the Inescapable Spiral of Relative Measurement
So, you’re sitting there with a “solid” IQ score, thinking you're the Einstein of your generation, but hold up—have you considered that everyone around you is probably measuring their intelligence against someone worse than them? Maybe it’s that guy who still believes chocolate milk comes from cows with a tan.
The truth is, intelligence is relative—just like the idea that you’re “great with money” because you know how to not accidentally max out your credit card on an Amazon shopping spree. The second you measure yourself against someone else, you’ve just fallen victim to a game of one-upmanship in the prestigious “who’s smarter” Olympics.
Now, don’t get me wrong—we all have that one friend who’s so unbelievably smart they could probably design their own quantum computer with a paperclip, but guess what? They’ve probably never heard of cryptocurrency, and don’t even get me started on lottery tickets. Meanwhile, the guy who once spent $100 on scratch-offs probably knows how to "create wealth" in ways that involve moving digits around on a stock app.
4. The Tragic Case of Financial Illiteracy: “I’ll Just Buy More Tickets”
Let’s talk about those who, despite all odds, continue to funnel money into the lottery. If you’ve ever asked a lottery buyer how they plan on spending their winnings, and the answer isn’t “paying off my debt,” you know you’re dealing with someone who’s probably still trying to figure out if their credit score is an actual score or just a random number generator in a really expensive game.
Pro-tip: Instead of buying those lottery tickets, consider putting your cash into stocks or cryptocurrencies. They're almost guaranteed to be better for your long-term financial survival. Almost. But at least your new crypto portfolio won’t make you a punching bag for the local financial consultant to laugh at.
5. Cargo Cult Programming & Daylight Savings: The Outdated Practices Still Alive Today
Now, speaking of outdated practices, let’s discuss something we can all agree on: daylight savings.
You see, in a world of 24/7 artificial lighting, “saving daylight” is a bizarre holdover from a time when our greatest challenge was not having to leave the house in the dark. But somehow, we still do it—because tradition. It’s like Cargo Cult Programming, where we just blindly follow rituals because, well, it worked for someone else at some point. Somewhere.
If anyone’s still telling you they "benefit" from daylight savings, they’re probably also convinced they should be paying extra taxes for potholes they never drive through. Sure, a few farming ancestors might’ve needed the extra hour of light back in the day, but now? Doesn’t the sun just… do its thing regardless of clocks?
Conclusion: Everyone's a Genius in Their Own Fantasy World
So, if you’re struggling with the concept of intelligence, here’s a solid piece of advice: Stop measuring it. There will always be someone smarter than you and someone who has no clue why chocolate milk isn’t a product of cow genetics.
In the end, maybe intelligence isn’t about how much you know or how well you manage your finances—maybe it’s about surviving the chaos that is humanity. Whether you’re buying lottery tickets, maxing out your credit cards, or questioning why the clocks change for no reason, one thing is for sure: we’re all in this together. And we’ll all be just fine... probably.
So, until next time, keep believing that chocolate milk comes from brown cows, and keep charging your “plastic fantastic.”
