Company Time

🕰️ “Company Time” and the Death of the Overachiever: Why You Shouldn’t Be the Office Firefighter in Late-Stage Capitalism

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Ah yes, Company Time — that mystical realm where the laws of productivity are reversed and burning yourself out earns you... exactly nothing.

You, the fresh recruit, step into the office with stars in your eyes and ambition in your heart.

Your manager smiles. Your coworkers side-eye you.

You open your laptop and say the fateful words:

“I’ll just finish this real quick.”

And thus, a fool was born.

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🚒 Don’t Be the Office Firefighter

You know the type —

The one who fixes everything.

The one who volunteers.

The one who “just handles it” because no one else will.

You think you're being a team player.

You think you’re standing out.

But all you’re doing is creating a new baseline for abuse.

Do it once, and they’ll say:

“Hey you’re so good at this, mind doing it again?”

Do it twice:

“We knew we could count on you.”

Do it thrice:

“Hey, the slacker who was supposed to do this called in sick — again. But YOU, you’re dependable.”

And suddenly, you’re doing 3 jobs, carrying two departments, and training the intern who can’t open Excel.

Meanwhile, the office slacker?

They’re in the breakroom playing Wordle, again.

Getting the same paycheck.

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🧾 Productivity is Theft (when you’re salaried)

Let’s be brutally honest:

If you’re salaried, your time is sold — not your soul.

You’re not paid per innovation, per line of code, per moment of excellence.

You’re paid to exist between 9 and 5.

So when you turn into The Overachiever™, guess what happens?

• You become the default.
• Your above-and-beyond becomes expected-and-demanded.
• Your “fast turnaround” becomes the new SLA (Service Level Abuse).

And in the end?

You get the same performance review template they give to Bob, the guy whose biggest achievement was showing up semi-sober.

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🐢 The Art of Moving at “Company Time”™

It’s time to embrace Company Time.

A tempo. A vibe. A survival mechanism.

Let’s break it down:

• Emails? Respond in 24-48 business hours. Soak in that Outlook delay like it’s sun lotion.
• Tasks dumped on you out of scope? “Sure! I’ll put it in the queue.” (Your queue is just a sticky note labeled “Hell No.”)
• Fire drills? "Wow, that sounds urgent. I’ll schedule time next week." Your oxygen mask first. The company’s later.
• Slacker’s responsibilities falling on you? “Oh I wasn’t trained on that.” (You were. But now? You’ve forgotten. Conveniently.)

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⚠️ Corporate Burnout Isn’t a Badge of Honor

You know what’s worse than being underpaid?

Being underpaid and overworked.

You burned the midnight oil.

You fixed the broken pipeline.

You deployed the app with 5 minutes to spare.

And then?

Your reward was more work.

And maybe a free pizza, if they remembered it was Team Appreciation Day™.

Congrats! You’re now exhausted, bitter, and still not making rent.

Meanwhile, Karen in HR just posted an Instagram story from Bali.

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✊ Workers of the World, Slow the F*** Down

In this, our glorious dystopia of late-stage capitalism, you’re not rewarded for effort — you’re punished for being efficient.

So what do you do?

You match energy.

You work at the speed of your paycheck.

You complete your job description, not your boss’s wishlist.

Because once you stop sprinting, once you start asking “is this even my job?”,

you start reclaiming your power.

And the company?

It will miraculously figure it out.

It always does.

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TL;DR:

Don’t be a hero. Be strategic.

Company time is slow, deliberate, and designed to outlive your ambition.

So if they want more?

Tell them it’s on the roadmap.

You’ll get to it… eventually.

At Company Time™ speed.