Burger
An Open Letter to Burger Architects Everywhere: It's Time for a Redesign
To the masterminds behind our beloved burgers,
I write to you with a heavy heart and grease-stained fingers, compelled to address a design flaw that has plagued the burger-eating experience for far too long. It concerns the misguided obsession with vertical height in your burger creations. While stacking patties, cheese, and an ever-expanding list of toppings may seem like the path to burger nirvana, it's a recipe for disaster.
Let's be frank: Vertically imposing burgers defy basic physics and human anatomy. How are we, humble diners, expected to achieve a successful bite without unhinging our jaws or employing intricate surgical maneuvers? The first precarious chomp often leads to a catastrophic collapse of ingredients, leaving us with a mangled mess and a sense of deep betrayal.
Furthermore, this height obsession has created an arms race of impracticality. Where will it end? Will future burgers require scaffolding? Will we need to dine standing, lest a stray onion ring topple the entire structure onto our laps?
I propose a radical shift – a return to the principles of structural integrity and practicality. Let us embrace the power of the wider, not taller, burger. Benefits of this innovative approach include:
- Even Distribution of Toppings: No more mournful bites devoid of the promised bacon or secret sauce.
- Structural Integrity: A wider base provides a stable foundation, minimizing the risk of mid-bite avalanches.
- Improved Burger-to-Bun Ratio: Let's face it, the current skyscraper burgers necessitate absurdly oversized buns that detract from the overall experience.
Fun Trivia: We're talking about burgers here, not iPhones. There's no need to construct a burger that requires a larger screen size to handle.
In the name of sauces on shirts everywhere, I urge you to ditch the altitude obsession. Let us build wider, not taller burgers – a testament to culinary ingenuity and a triumph for both taste buds and dignity.
Sincerely,
A Concerned (and Often Sauce-Covered) Burger Enthusiast
