90 Days
90 Days to Nowhere: TikTok Bans, Tariff Tantrums, and the Political Proverb of the Paper Tiger
by MoNoRi-Chan's Office of Satirical Oversight
WASHINGTON, D.C. — If American foreign policy were a Thai drama, the current TikTok and tariff saga would be titled:
“เขียนเสือให้วัวกลัว” — "Drawing a tiger to scare the buffalo."
In this episode, Uncle Sam, armed with executive orders, flashy rhetoric, and a deficit calculator from 1998, puffs up his chest and tells the world (read: China), “You better watch out, I’m gonna do it this time for real!” Only to backpedal with a 90-day pause... again. And again. And yes, again.
TikTok: Banned-ish, Suspended-ish, But Still Addictive
The Protecting Americans from Foreign Adversary Controlled Applications Act (PAFACAA, pronounced like a dying fax machine) was pitched as a national security crusade against TikTok’s ByteDance overlords. The Supreme Court rubber-stamped it. Biden signed it. Trump hinted at enforcing it. And TikTok, for a brief moment on January 18, 2025, blinked out of existence — triggering mass confusion, mild panic, and millions of draft dances left unpublished.
But the very next day, the platform rose from the dead — because Trump threw in a casual 75-day delay and followed up with another. Apparently, security threats can wait. Especially if there's a campaign cycle coming.
Tariffs: Fire and Fury, With an Option to Reschedule
Next came the trade war reboot. Trump unveiled tariffs from 11% to 50% on imports from 57 countries. This was marketed as the “America First, Everyone Else Last” doctrine — a big, bold way to punish China and reroute global supply chains to somewhere else (probably Ohio).
But shortly after the economic forecasts started crying in spreadsheets and Wall Street got the hiccups, the administration slapped another 90-day delay on the whole thing — for everyone except China. Because hey, mutual economic annihilation isn’t good for quarterly earnings.
"เขียนเสือให้วัวกลัว" — Drawing Tigers, But Scaring No One
This is where the Thai proverb hits hard:
"เขียนเสือให้วัวกลัว" (Kian Seua Hai Wua Glua)
— “Drawing a tiger to scare the buffalo.”
It means creating a scary image or policy for intimidation, even if you have no bite to back it up. The US puts on the performance of global economic alpha, drawing its tiger with flashy sanctions, bans, and tariffs — only for the international community to realize it’s more like a paper tiger in an age of AI art.
And why? Because while the U.S. yells about trade deficits in goods, it conveniently leaves out the real American exports:
Services, software, media IP, and SaaS domination.
Sure, the physical goods trade shows a massive deficit with China, but the surplus in services — like licensing fees, cloud infrastructure, streaming platforms, and enterprise software — gets buried. The world may buy China's toys, but China runs its factories on Adobe, Microsoft, AWS, and Salesforce dashboards.
It’s like complaining your friend eats all your fries while ignoring the fact you’re charging him $200/month to use your ketchup.
Retail Traders, Once Again, Left Behind
Meanwhile, retail traders — fueled by TikTok finance bros and Discord signals — got crushed by the on-again, off-again geopolitical LARPing. Some shorted TikTok only to see it return. Others went long on gold, only to find out war was postponed. Their portfolios now look like a crash test dummy after a Tesla beta test.
One user summarized it best:
“They said war was coming, I bought wheat futures. Now I’m eating ramen for real.”
Conclusion: A Tiger Made of Paper, Painted by Lobbyists
At this point, the 90-day extensions are less a strategic pause and more like the snooze button on a nation’s foreign policy alarm clock. The US draws tiger after tiger, but the buffaloes (and China) have stopped being scared.
What we're left with is a diplomatic shadowboxing match where nobody really gets hurt — except retail investors, economic forecasters, and that one intern who has to keep updating the "Tariff Implementation Timeline" spreadsheet for the 8th time.
So remember:
When America roars, check if it’s made of pixels and 90-day executive orders.
Because some tigers are just PowerPoint slides.
And if you're a buffalo? Maybe it's time to start learning Mandarin... or at least how to export a SaaS product.
