People-pleaser

If you're a recovering people-pleaser, setting boundaries is your superpower for breaking free from being taken advantage of. Here's how to make that transition:

Changing Your Mindset

• Your needs are valid: Start by recognizing that your time, energy, and emotional well-being are just as important as anyone else's.
• "No" is not a bad word: You have the right to decline requests, set limits, and say "no" without guilt.
• Boundaries protect relationships: Healthy boundaries foster mutual respect and prevent the buildup of resentment.

Practical Steps for Setting Boundaries

1. Identify your trigger points: What situations usually lead you to say "yes" even when you don't want to? Recognizing these patterns is the first step.
2. Practice your responses: Prepare some simple phrases in advance like:
   • "Unfortunately, I'm not able to help with that right now."
   • "My schedule is full, but I can suggest [alternative]."
   • "I'm not comfortable with that."
3. Start small and specific: Don't try to overhaul everything at once. Pick one area (like saying no to extra work) and practice setting boundaries there.
4. Be firm but kind: Maintain a clear tone of voice, but communicate your boundary with compassion. It's okay to be helpful when setting limits!

Specific Challenges for People-Pleasers

• Dealing with guilt: Remind yourself that prioritizing your well-being isn't selfish. You'll be able to support others better when you aren't overwhelmed.
• Fear of conflict: People who respect you will respect your boundaries. Those who push back are revealing more about themselves than about you.
• Saying "no" to friends: True friends will understand and support your growth. Practice saying things like, "I love our friendship, but I need to recharge and can't make it tonight."

Protecting Yourself at Work

• Know your job description: What are you actually responsible for? This prevents you from being taken advantage of with extra tasks.
• Document your accomplishments: Keep track of successes for reviews, to justify raises or counter claims that you're not doing enough.
• Communicate workload concerns: If you're overwhelmed, speak to your manager calmly and propose realistic solutions.

Additional Tips

• Find a support system: Talk to a trusted friend, therapist, or mentor for encouragement and guidance.
• Celebrate your wins: Every time you successfully set a boundary, pat yourself on the back!

Remember: This is a process, not an overnight transformation. Be kind to yourself, and over time you'll find greater confidence and a healthier balance in all your relationships.